Location: Brisbane, Australia

Remix:Release Me(Mae)

It’s stifling to be in the house for longer than necessary. I’m counting down the seconds to the day when this state of limbo ends. There’s nothing more for me to look forward to, yet it’s not yet time to pack and leave.

The tick tick ticking has only gotten increasingly frustrating.

I heard the old man say we need the rain
And I can feel it in my bones they’re aching
I watched the sky and wait and wish these waters ease my pain
Because my will is breaking
If you’d get next to me and help me find simplicity
Then you could be the one to take me, to break me
And flood my soul…

A walk was necessary to stave of self-implosion. I grabbed my keys, fags and mobile and promptly took off. The cool night air was the first thing that awakened my senses.

Has it really been that long?

…Could you be the one to release me? (oh release me)
Waiting for your love
Oh to free me, so release me…

The calmness was in a way, comforting. It gave me the space I crave from time to time. There were no expectations to live up to, no one I am obligated to answer to.

At match point, everyone will hold their breath in anticipation when the ball hits the edge of the net and bounces upwards. It’s during moments like these when the smallest twist in the plot will result in an unprecedented upset.

There were several match point moments in my life which left me wondering what would’ve happened if I chose the other option instead.

…Grey clouds, they infiltrate as every move you make
Gets me closer to clarity
While droplet drummers lead a complex beat increasing speed
Somehow accompanies our intensities…

I awoke from my daze, only to realize that I didn’t have a clue where I was. However the spot that I stood at was… absolutely perfect for tonight.

The abandoned brick wall overlooked the city’s skyline. Bright neon lights shone strongly, coupled with stark halogens which shimmered in the distance. The surrounding suburb was sound asleep in the wee hours of the morning and all was quiet.

…At first this cloud burst is pulling us under
Lightning and thunder
Rain falls and you take me under
And flood my soul…

At first contact, the earthen bricks felt mildly damp to the touch. I swung my legs across the wall and manoeuvred myself into a comfortable position. It was a long way down should I fall or decide to kill myself.

I lit a fag with a quick flick of the lighter and took a long drag. I like to allude smoking to having a toxic affair. You know it’s bad for you and you may even try to quit (with success), but then there are times when your resolve crumbles and the old familiarity is simply too hard to resist.

I never trusted humans to be creatures of stability (because one does learn that much during childhood).

Someone once told me, “People can come into your life and affect it in the most profound ways, shaping you, building you up, tearing you down, restoring your karmic balance, whatever. Then one day, they no longer belong there, and they’ll be gone. Don’t waste tears when that happens. Just enjoy the relationship as it unfolds.”

Very apt, very true and the very reason why I prefer not to depend on anyone more than it is necessary to.

…Could you be the one to release me? (oh release me)
Waiting for your love
Oh to free me, so release me…

Listening to Mae and having a fag always works whenever I’m in one of my moods. Both of them coupled with the falling temperature put me in the right frame of mind to contemplate upon certain events. Before I knew it, I was once more, lost in my thoughts.

My ice-cold hands awoke me from my daze. I’ve been gripping the bricks for far too long. One, two, three cigarette stubs were flicked into the bushes before I got up. My legs told me it was time to hunt for another spot.

I walked.

…So take off your shoes and stay a while
This might be the right time tonight
If it makes you feel good
Then it makes me feel alright…

On a whim, I decided to take a turn down the road. The unobstructed expanse of light beckoned and I climbed a nearby tree to get a resting spot. It was then I happened to look up and be pleasantly surprised by the little gift of twinkling celestial bodies across the sky. It was as if the big guy himself scattered a handful of crushed crystals across the velvety night.

…We should take down the curtains now
and make blankets here on the floor
The torrential downpour, the potential for more
A cease to fight this tension that ignites us here in the dark
‘Cause tension causes friction and this friction leaves two sparks
The rain has filled this cup and before it overflows
I wanna take you in now
Here it goes…

Over the years, it feels as if I’ve fallen through the cracks in the ice and plunged head first into the freezing water. Initially, the impact feels as if the school bully has sucker-punched me in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of me.

The average person will probably never have to experience a gazillion pins being stuck into their limbs but that’s exactly how it feels like when the cold creeps in. Slowly but surely, I begin losing the ability to feel and gradually, it has eaten its way into the very core of my being.

…Could you be the one to release me? (oh release me)
Waiting for your love
oh to free me, so release me…

There were so many lame ass attempts to regain that heightened sense of being that I’ve lost count of the number of shenanigans I got myself into. The adrenaline rush one gets from experiencing close scrapes makes me feel as if I’ve re-lived my life all over again. Things just seem so much more… sharper and acute after that. Anything that falls within the range of “Normal” doesn’t really do well in terms of efficiency.

…Could you be the one to release me? (oh release me)
We have just begun
You release me, oh release me…

The 10th repeat of the song has ended and so I turned my back on the city lights, the twinkling stars and the cool spring breeze to walk back home just like I always have. The rain’s timing is once again, perfect.

3 Movies To Catch

The Dangers of Alcohol – A First Hand Account

I noted with extreme embarrassment that my last post was dated 1 July. Has it been that long?!

Enough with the babbling. The semester is coming to an end really soon and like the previous time, I’ll be back in SG before I know it. Although the concepts behind the lectures is significantly easier to grasp as compared to Semester 1, I feel as if I’ve worked myself to the bone because of SCIE3012.

My research didn’t exactly turn out well because there were too many unforeseen interruptions in between. I think it was a major case of bad juju because whatever that could go wrong went wrong. It’s also doubly depressing when you have to head to the lab after classes end every day. I was so spaced out each time I got home that my house mates had to approach me with caution to make sure if I was alright. Then J had to return to Taiwan and that left an immense vacuum in my life because I was so used to her presence and to having her around.

All of that happened in September.

When October finally snuck up on me, it was hell in terms of the stress levels I had to face. 1 major paper (60%), 2 reports (40%, 25%), 1 practical exam (20%) and 1 poster (20%)… all within a month. All that plunged me into a stress-induced depression (uni students should know what I’m talking about). My insomnia returned and I gradually lost my appetite. There were the rare occasions when I felt a fleeting bit of happiness but they were few and far in between.

Eventually, I came to rely on alcohol. It was quite the pal and helped me to sleep if I drank a little before bed. The problem eventually came when I started to drink whenever I was in a foul mood (which was very often).

In the morning of 13 Oct, I was rushed to Wesley’s emergency department because of severe dehydration. Yours truly, in a moment of desperation, gulped down half a bottle of wine before going to bed the night before.

The events began to unfold when at 5-ish am in the morning, I got up and stumbled blindly into the bathroom to puke my guts out. After that, I managed to stumble back to my bed (albeit in a daze) before passing out on it. When the alarm rang at 7am, I could barely manage to shut the damned thing off. Everything felt wrong, from the heavy thumping of my head to the deadness in my limbs. It was a miracle as to how I even managed to ring D (my house mate who lives in the room opposite mine) for help.

I summoned whatever strength that was left in me to speak. What came out of my mouth was, “D, I wanna die,” in a barely-there hoarse whisper. Much later on after the fiasco was over, she told me she initially thought I was playing a prank on her. WTH.

Anyway…

D, my savior, came over in a fluster and passed me some medicine and a mug of water. I felt like absolute shit then but I knew I had to get some water into my system (or at least try to). That didn’t work too well because I ended up puking into my waste paper basket instead.

Somehow my shrunken brain then managed to figure out that I needed an IV drip ASAP. I recall ringing D again and asking her to get my landlord to drive me to the hospital. The rest passed in a haze. What I remember was being injected with some drug before being hooked to the drip.

I slept, for a good two hours while the osmotic balance in my body was being restored. I awoke when I heard the creak of a chair. As I didn’t have my glasses on, I squinted and made out a familiar form sitting a distance away… It was C.

When I woke up from my 2 hr slumber, it was as if my brain finally remembered to use the ’sharpen’ function. Sucking the drug-infused banana bag dry made me feel so much better. I managed to smile and whisper hoarsely to C in a feeble attempt at conversing. I asked her not to let J know about this incident.

She then told me that in the middle of things, D tried to contact her but when it became apparent that she was still asleep, D left a message instead. When she was awake enough to read the sms, she literally dashed around the house in a mad attempt to get dressed before rushing over to Wesley.

I got discharged shortly after and my landlord came to pick C and I up (because she insisted on going home with me). For the rest of the day, I was under strict orders to get some R&R in my room. However my guts took a few days to fully recover from the escapade.

So boys and girls, that was the highlight for October. Never ever binge drink and even if you do, remember to drink lots of water after that.

Rove + Bruno = Knock-Your-Socks-Off Laughter

La Boeuf

I was feeling really miserable about my lunch today *stares down at it* so I decided to google random gourmet terms to make myself feel better.

I typed the magical words into the white box:

“Kobe Beef”

No I’m not going to be a sicko and post some picture of a poor cow being murdered. I had to restrain myself from licking the screen when the picture below came up. But seriously you guys, LOOK AT THIS.

How could anyone not want it?! NOM NOM NOM.

300. Not.

I assure you that no pieces of tissue were killed in the (unfortunate) making of this incident.

This, my friends, is the result of apparent clumsiness whenever I clip my nails.

Yes you are looking at a bloodied piece of tissue. Although it may seem artfully splattered with red paint, you have my word that it really is my DNA that’s on the tissue.

If you are V, you would have most likely spent your days…

1. Cursing at your fricking alarm every single morning because it sounds like the one they have at the SCDF HQ.

2. Procrastinating about doing your laundry.

3. Running out of the house in a flurry because the bus is arriving in 3 minutes.

4. Eating that Uncle Toby cereal which you love so much.

5. Purchasing random stuff from UQ’s Market Day each Wednesday (So far you have bought funky twine+leather bracelets, a shawl, a pouch, a rosary and a pair of sunnies).

6. Downloading one too many songs.

7. Downloading one too many shots of juice into your stomach.

8. Blogging frantically about having nothing to do in Brisbane. When you say nothing, you actually mean that you have nothing else to do but study/be online/go to bed… oh the pain of life. DON’T YOU AUSSIES HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO WHEN THE SUN SETS?!

9. Playing the guitar because a) You refuse to study b) You think the internet is starting to become an unhealthy obsession of yours (Facebook or Twitter anyone?) c) You refuse to go to bed at 9pm just because you’re bored, trying to cut down on your dependency to the Web and refusing to study.

10. Freaking out when you finally stop procrastinating about studying only to realize that you have an OBSCENE amount of work that has snuck up on you over the days. DIE YOU CREEPY LECTURE NOTES!!!

WHY

Tell me why

Why

Whyy

Whyyyy

Do I always have critters around me?

Yes I’m starting to think that I’m being stalked by them. I have found spiders, baby centipedes and small ants with HUGE heads on my carpet. Isn’t it enough that I have possums screaming blue murder while running up and down my roof at night?

When I first started living here, I was witness to a buggy massacre every single night. Three HUGE lizards (let’s call them Emmanuel, Charlie and Wilson) will be chilling on the outside of my window eating up whatever moths that were stupid enough to fly close by. I admit, the moths’ deaths were my fault. I am a geek so I work late at my desk. When I work late, I leave the lamp on. Moths are attracted to light right?

Emmanuel is the one who goes all tense when he is about to pounce on his prey. And when he does that, his tail goes into a vibrating tizzy. That’s how I tell him apart from Charlie and Wilson. Those two are the ultimate chillers man. They act all nonchalant and then… POW!!! Bye bye moth.

Within a month, I killed a spider, a grasshopper (it fell on my head, it deserved to die) and a cockroach. This Monday I nearly stepped on a spider that was the size of an Aussie 50 cent coin. I decided to spare it but it found its way into my housemate’s room instead and got killed anyway.

On Tuesday I found a baby centipede on my carpet. Thank god I didn’t step on it. I flushed it down the toilet.

Yesterday, I found an ant with a normal-sized body and a kickass head on the carpet again. How does it even manage to walk?

Anyways it died. I killed it.

Ellen Degeneres’ Tulane Speech

Super hilarious, ellen-style (and she does have a point!). This video made it here because I feel that graduation speeches are just waaaaay too boring and that I’m able to relate to the gay jokes, the whole “what is the point of uni again” thing.

Enjoy!

A Minute To Stop & Think

I haven’t been blogging for ages, but that doesn’t mean that this blog has died. Some one actually told me before that you can only call yourself busy when you don’t even have time to blog.

Yes that’s right folks. I’ve been a busy busy bee.

The assignments, mid-sems (uni does take up so much of one’s time and energy. I’ve been feeling so intellectually restless ever since I started my degree. My friends know that for me to accept knowledge, I must know the reason behind studying it. I’ve gotten into a good programme at a good university, so what’s the problem now?

I can’t kick the feeling that I should have entered myself into the BSc programme instead. Honestly speaking the only thing I find cool about Biotech is Immunology. Period. I’d rather be learning about animals or geography anyday man. Then, Jesska (my angmoh coursemate) had to tell me on our way home that “Biotech honours are marked harder than Science ones”. Thanks mate and fuck BBio, I’m so switching over to BSc come Monday man.

Secondly, I’m so not motivated to study. I’m more, “School is such a drag.” Hence I’m gonna come up with a list that will hopefully knock some sense into thyself.

Goals for 2009

1. Be hot
2. Do well in school
3. Be nicer to ma famille
4. Keep in touch with friends
5. Think of an activity that will be good for personal growth

Yes, enough of whining. I’m gonna embrace my inner geek and loudly proclaim, “Yes I’m a geek, you’ve a problem with that?!”