La Boeuf

I was feeling really miserable about my lunch today *stares down at it* so I decided to google random gourmet terms to make myself feel better.

I typed the magical words into the white box:

“Kobe Beef”

No I’m not going to be a sicko and post some picture of a poor cow being murdered. I had to restrain myself from licking the screen when the picture below came up. But seriously you guys, LOOK AT THIS.

How could anyone not want it?! NOM NOM NOM.

300. Not.

I assure you that no pieces of tissue were killed in the (unfortunate) making of this incident.

This, my friends, is the result of apparent clumsiness whenever I clip my nails.

Yes you are looking at a bloodied piece of tissue. Although it may seem artfully splattered with red paint, you have my word that it really is my DNA that’s on the tissue.

If you are V, you would have most likely spent your days…

1. Cursing at your fricking alarm every single morning because it sounds like the one they have at the SCDF HQ.

2. Procrastinating about doing your laundry.

3. Running out of the house in a flurry because the bus is arriving in 3 minutes.

4. Eating that Uncle Toby cereal which you love so much.

5. Purchasing random stuff from UQ’s Market Day each Wednesday (So far you have bought funky twine+leather bracelets, a shawl, a pouch, a rosary and a pair of sunnies).

6. Downloading one too many songs.

7. Downloading one too many shots of juice into your stomach.

8. Blogging frantically about having nothing to do in Brisbane. When you say nothing, you actually mean that you have nothing else to do but study/be online/go to bed… oh the pain of life. DON’T YOU AUSSIES HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO WHEN THE SUN SETS?!

9. Playing the guitar because a) You refuse to study b) You think the internet is starting to become an unhealthy obsession of yours (Facebook or Twitter anyone?) c) You refuse to go to bed at 9pm just because you’re bored, trying to cut down on your dependency to the Web and refusing to study.

10. Freaking out when you finally stop procrastinating about studying only to realize that you have an OBSCENE amount of work that has snuck up on you over the days. DIE YOU CREEPY LECTURE NOTES!!!

WHY

Tell me why

Why

Whyy

Whyyyy

Do I always have critters around me?

Yes I’m starting to think that I’m being stalked by them. I have found spiders, baby centipedes and small ants with HUGE heads on my carpet. Isn’t it enough that I have possums screaming blue murder while running up and down my roof at night?

When I first started living here, I was witness to a buggy massacre every single night. Three HUGE lizards (let’s call them Emmanuel, Charlie and Wilson) will be chilling on the outside of my window eating up whatever moths that were stupid enough to fly close by. I admit, the moths’ deaths were my fault. I am a geek so I work late at my desk. When I work late, I leave the lamp on. Moths are attracted to light right?

Emmanuel is the one who goes all tense when he is about to pounce on his prey. And when he does that, his tail goes into a vibrating tizzy. That’s how I tell him apart from Charlie and Wilson. Those two are the ultimate chillers man. They act all nonchalant and then… POW!!! Bye bye moth.

Within a month, I killed a spider, a grasshopper (it fell on my head, it deserved to die) and a cockroach. This Monday I nearly stepped on a spider that was the size of an Aussie 50 cent coin. I decided to spare it but it found its way into my housemate’s room instead and got killed anyway.

On Tuesday I found a baby centipede on my carpet. Thank god I didn’t step on it. I flushed it down the toilet.

Yesterday, I found an ant with a normal-sized body and a kickass head on the carpet again. How does it even manage to walk?

Anyways it died. I killed it.

Ellen Degeneres’ Tulane Speech

Super hilarious, ellen-style (and she does have a point!). This video made it here because I feel that graduation speeches are just waaaaay too boring and that I’m able to relate to the gay jokes, the whole “what is the point of uni again” thing.

Enjoy!